


As It Should Be

by Stormraven24



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Longing, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, angsty fluff, sort of, sweetness so sweet it'll rot your teeth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 02:22:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6885319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormraven24/pseuds/Stormraven24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Hux is a very different man behind closed doors. In the rare quiet moments he has, he thinks of one man whom he can never have. Although, maybe "never" isn't the right word in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As It Should Be

It's in the quiet moments that Hux allows himself to muse on the man who is surely preparing for his sleep cycle several levels away. He's tried reading the same sentence of yet another report four times already, each time to no avail. He lets his mind wander to more interesting things, like how nicely the cut of the standard uniform fits across Mitaka's shoulders and back, the clean lines leading the eye down to the slim waist, the polished boots helping to accentuate his legs. Hux has only been in proximity to the lieutenant twice in the past week (he tries not to dwell on that unfortunate fact), and each time he'd had to consciously force himself not to stare at the other man's mouth as he talked. Many a fleeting, spare moment has Hux devoted solely to those lips, to the way Mitaka parts them slightly whenever he was concentrating on something, to the way his words sound so heavenly to Hux's ears.

But today another thing had stolen the general's attention from that lovely mouth: a smell. Not an odor, nothing so uncouth or crude. It was a _fragrance_. He had approached Mitaka for an update on something mundane and boring when the scent had registered. It reminded him of warm spring rain, something he hadn't realized he'd missed until that very moment, and it had originated from Mitaka. Had he always smelled so...good? Was it a new cologne or aftershave? Maintaining his cool, detached exterior had proved challenging then, but somehow Hux had managed to not give away any of the roiling emotions he'd felt.

He almost regrets not keeping the lieutenant a bit longer; he's already forgetting the scent here in his pristine, sterile office. Safely away from all but one living thing (Millicent is in her usual spot, tucked into a corner where she can observe everything without uncoiling herself from the tight ball she sleeps in), Hux turns in his chair to gaze out at the starscape sprawling before him.

And he sighs.

The twinkle of the stars remind him of how Mitaka's eyes shine at times when his emotions run high. The black space between the stars makes him think of Mitaka's dark hair; always so precise, so perfect, Hux can't help but think of how it might look loose and mussed. This is the part where Hux would normally shake his head clear of such thoughts before they could take root. But not now, not with the silence and loneliness pressing in on him.

For now, just for the moment, the general lets himself indulge in fantasy. He thinks of Mitaka placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Of Mitaka gracing him with a serene smile when he turns. Of Mitaka asking Hux to come to bed, a bed that they share, that smells like the. Of Mitaka curling himself into Hux's side, resting his dark head on his shoulder or perhaps even his chest over his thudding heart.

Hux unconsciously lays one arm across his waist, imagining that it's Mitaka embracing him instead.

His breath hitches when he can't entirely conjure up the fantasy without being painfully aware that the arm is his own, not that of the man that has so enchanted him.  _As it should be_ , Hux tells himself. No matter how fiercely he desires the touch of that beautiful man, it can never be. Hux is the figurehead of the First Order. Mitaka is his subordinate. A relationship of any kind is inappropriate at best, and an abuse of power at worst. Mitaka may not be interested anyway; never has he been anything other than professional in his duties, never has he looked upon Hux with anything other than respect and a touch of fear (how he loathes the thought of Mitaka being afraid of him).  _As it should be_ , Hux thinks again even as his eyes begin to burn with the start of tears. “As it should be.”

Then his beautiful Starkiller Base had been destroyed. A decade of his life and soul, obliterated in an instant. The disbelief and anger had come and gone in the hours following the explosion, leaving him in a sort of numb shock. No longer is he filled with rage or thoughts of vengeance against those who had removed his spectacular superweapon from existence. Now there is simply grief. But even here in the privacy of his quarters he cannot allow himself to express that grief. He fears that once the first tear falls they'll never stop. What good is a General who crumbles at every loss? The First Order deserves better. The men and women who escaped the destruction deserve better.

Hux barely registers the quiet whirl of his door opening and closing.  _Forgot to lock it_ , he thinks with an apathy that would have been disturbing if he were fully in his right mind. He can't even bring himself to turn his chair and see who (besides Ren, who is currently in a medically-induced coma in the overcrowded medbay) possesses the audacity to enter his private rooms without permission.

“Sir?”

Hux draws in a sharp breath. There's no mistaking that soft voice, that voice he's held close in his fantasies and dreams for so long. He swallows in an attempt to wet his dry throat, hoping to bury the urge to reach out and hold onto the lieutenant at the same time. He's suddenly hyperaware of Mitaka's presence as the man steps closer. Hux's entire left side tingles with every near-silent step, his skin aching for the other man's touch. He almost gives in when Mitaka speaks again.

“No one had heard from you for some time, General. We...myself and the other officers, that is...we're worried for you...sir.” A weak flare of irritation ignites in his breast at the thought of his subordinates thinking him so fragile. But he's too tired to do anything about it. He's too tired to care very much at the moment. “Sir?” The concern in that one word, coming from this man, is painfully touching. A thousand possible responses run though his mind, but none are good enough to convey what he feels, what he wants. So, he remains silent. A part of him hopes that his silence will send Mitaka on his way, away from seeing Hux so defeated, away from his weaknesses.

He gets his wish: Mitaka's next step sounds farther away, his next even farther. It's too much for Hux. “Mitaka,” he calls out, hardly recognizing his own voice. The footsteps stop. It takes him two deep breaths to work up the courage to speak again. “Stay. Please.”

The knot in his gut uncoils slightly when Mitaka comes to stand at his elbow. “Of course, sir.” It unfurls even more at the (dare he think it?) fondness in those words. Mitaka is here at his side, close enough to touch if he but raises a hand. The smell of sweet, clear water wafts over him, so faint yet as powerful as a punch in the face.

_I could have lost him today._ The realization is so abrupt and disturbing that Hux nearly loses his breath. Hot tears prick at his eyes as the thought loops through his head. Starkiller could be rebuilt, any weapon could. But Mitaka was irreplaceable. Losing him would have broken Hux beyond repair. The man is standing here, safe and sound, but-

“We will find them, sir.” Mitaka's quiet yet stalwart declaration thankfully stops Hux's thoughts from traveling further down that dark path. “We will track down the Resistance and make them pay for this day. We will rid the galaxy of their anarchy and unite all systems under the banner of the First Order.” Hux didn't realize he'd been staring at Mitaka's profile until the other man turned to him, heartfelt determination in those dark, shining eyes. “I'll see to that myself if necessary.”

Th fierceness in that boyish face takes Hux's breath away. He'd always found the lieutenant beautiful, but right now he is nothing short of radiant.  _The avenging angel of the First Order._ A longing smile touche his lips at the mental image that accompanies that thought. “I admire your conviction,” he whispers.

Mitaka surprises him yet again when he moves to stand directly before Hux, then drops to one knee as if before a monarch. Time stops for Hux in that moment, completely ensnared in those glittering eyes. He doesn't even notice how Mitaka has gently taken hold of his hand, he's so enraptured. “I swear to you, sir,” the kneeling man continues, “I will see the Resistance suffer for what they've done today. For you, sir.”

Hux can't help it. Those words are more than he could ever hope for, far more than he deserves. He lean forward, almost throwing himself from his chair in his haste, and presses his lips against Mitaka's. The contact is both soothing and invigorating, far too much and not nearly enough. The kiss lasts an eternity of a second before Hux's senses come rushing back. He pulls away, his skin trembling with warring emotions and whispers, “I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, lieutenant.”

His attempt to put a respectable distance between them is thwarted when warm, steady fingertips light on his jaw. His gaze instantly snaps up to Mitaka's at the touch; this close he can see that his eyes aren't black like his hair, but are actually a deep, rich brown. He thinks about drowning in those eyes before his attention is stolen by the shy smile Mitaka is giving him. “I'm not, sir.”

Now it's Mitaka's turn to steal a kiss, although, is it really stealing when the prize is so willingly given?

Unlike Hux's chaste press of mouths, Mitaka wastes no time in covering his general's lips with his own. He's tender with the touch, but the slight tugs and suckles leave no doubt that he wouldn't be averse to something more if Hux wished it. Hux wants to sob at how perfect and intimate the kiss is. He comes close, but the sound he makes when Mitaka pulls away is more of a whimper than a cry. He slowly opens his eyes to see Mitaka looking down, a smile on those wonderful lips and a light blush painting his pale cheeks. “I've dreamed of doing that for a long time, sir.”

“So have I.” The confession slips from him before he can stop it.

Mitaka doesn't comment on his weakness, both his confession and the desire. He just smiles a little wider and presses his forehead to Hux's. Hux can't bear the thought of Mitaka pulling away just yet; he reaches up to cradle the back of the younger man's head in his palm, his fingertips brushing the ends of his smartly cut hair. They share the same breaths for a few moments, the tips of their noses brushing every now and then. “Please stay.” Hux hates himself for sounding so weak, so unlike the persona he's so carefully cultivated for the outside world. But Mitaka is so warm and  _alive_ and  _here_ . Hux tightens his fingers on the lieutenant's neck a bit, just enough to remind himself that Mitaka is indeed right here in front of him, that he didn't perish on Starkiller after all. “Stay with me.”

Mitaka's hand squeezes his own in assurance. “Always, sir.” They remain that way until Hux finally succumbs to the exhaustion he's kept at bay all this time. Mitaka notices. “Let's get you to bed, sir.”

Hux's heart flutters at the words, but there is not underlying meaning, no flirtatious insinuation. In another setting perhaps Hux would be disappointed; right now, he is boundlessly grateful that Mitaka's request is an innocent one. He is so very tired.

He allow himself to be led into his bedroom, to be gently pushed down onto the bed for Mitaka to remove his boots, to be undressed with quick, precise fingers. Mitaka removes Hux's belt last, leaving him in his undershirt and pants before quietly ordering him into bed. By the time he's settled under the sheets, Mitaka has already stripped down to a similar state of undress. Hux welcomes his lieutenant into the bed, beckoning him closer with a gentle “come here, Mitaka”. He obeys with a small smile.

Hux is just on the verge of sleep when it hits him: one of his longest-held fantasies has come true. Mitaka is pressed close to his side, his dark head on his shoulder, his breath soft and even across his chest. And one arm wrapped tightly around his waist. Hux would give anything to freeze this moment and live the rest of his life in this man's embrace. Instead, he contents himself with gathering his lieutenant into his arms and praying to any and all deities he doesn't believe in that will listen.  _Please don't take this man from me. Take everything else – my power, my rank, my life – just don't take Mitaka from me._

Hux continues his silent prayers until sleep finally takes him. With Mitaka safely at his side, it's one of the deepest sleeps he's ever had.

 

**Author's Note:**

> OOC as hell, but idgaf. It's hell finding stuff in this fandom that's something other than hardcore sex (which I love, too) or really gross, disturbing stuff (which I can seriously do without). So I wrote my own thing that I needed because I could. What are words? I'm gonna shut up now.


End file.
